The Art Of Communication
How Effective are You at Communicating?
We are losing the art of communication through the ever-growing addiction, yes addiction to social media. In particular our phones.
Have you stopped recently to look around you whilst on a train, in a restaurant, even walking along the road?
Then you will have noticed that most people and of all ages have their head bowed and their nose in a phone.
Guys wake up! You are missing so much. Nature, the birds, the sky, the clouds, the fabulous architecture and other people…
What really scares me about all of this is the fact that we are losing connection with others and most of all ourselves.
The thing is, that when you seek fulfillment outside of yourself, you will always be searching for more.
The irony is, that we are looking in the wrong direction. And in fact, the answers we seek, the fulfillment we are constantly chasing, is on the inside…
The first communication is with our mother and father. We cry when we want to be fed, held, changed, ready for sleep and so on. This connection is strong. However, if your parents are now connected to their phones more than to you, imagine the knock-on effects.
We are social beings, and meant to connect, communicate, collaborate and support one another. We were not designed to be alone. The truth is that when we spend too much time alone, this leads to a decline in our happiness as well as our health. Over time days are lost off work, illness, depression, detachment and suicide. It’s becoming an epidemic and we must stop, pay attention and between us address the issue and act to reverse this pattern.
Time to say goodbye to competition and yes to collaboration. After all, you cannot make a cake with one ingredient.
Okay, so what is communication all about and what is the art of communication? Well, communication comes in many forms. It is the way we let each other know we are here. It is how we communicate our thoughts and feelings. And it is how we love, work and live together.
We communicate with our words, verbal and written, the tone of our voices, with our bodies and through silence.
Yes, your words are what you use to communicate, but that only represents 7% of how you come across to others and essentially how you communicate to them. It is the tone of your voice that represents 38% of the way we communicate, eye contact and body language responsible for 55%.
Unless you learn this my osmosis, i.e. your parents and society, then how will you learn to become a good communicator? These things we have taken for granted as over each generation, they have been taught in the home, school, work and in our communities. However, things are drastically changing, and many young people are unable to maintain eye contact because it feels foreign to them.
The subtleties of communication are the nod of a head, holding someone’s gaze, facing the person you are speaking with, a gentle touch on the hand, or shoulder to show support and being fully present during a conversation.
The art of communication means that when someone else is speaking, you shut up and listen. Have you noticed, that when someone is talking, often you are busy thinking about a quick-witted response? Well, guess what? That’s not listening. And therefore, you do not fully hear what the other person is saying.
The greatest gift you can show anyone who is talking with you, is respect, to listen and attention.
Face the person you are speaking with.
Stay focussed on them and be present. They will know when you are doing this right as they will feel like the only person in the world to you.
Engage with them in the appropriate way, if they are quiet, soften your own voice. If they are speaking at a fast pace, match it with the way you respond.
That art of communicating is being able to influence the other person in a positive way. Let me give you an example.
Someone comes to you and is distraught. They are upset and yelling. What you want to do is to be empathetic towards them, to listen attentively and once they have finished, to respond in a calm, measured way. This will show them that they are important, that you are interested in listening and helping them if you can.
Checking your phone, looking around and being generally distracted by everything other than them is not how to show up in this or in fact any situation. For crying out loud, on countless occasions, I have seen friends, yes friends going out for dinner and sitting around the table on their phones, rather than having a conversation…Couples out for a romantic meal, in silence until their phone beeps a message and they grab it and smile…what’s that all about? This type of behaviour is the quickest way to make the person you are with feel unimportant.
It is no wonder that relationships crumble, fall apart and people just don’t seem to get on. This is because everyone is so much more interested in themselves and how many likes and texts they have received… okay that may be a little harsh, but the point is, in order to build and also maintain a real relationship, of any nature, social, work or intimate, you have to be present, to listen and allocate time for one another, without judgement.
After studying relationships for over 30 years, I have observed that there are 3 main areas where any relationship can be improved and therefore communication is more fluid.
2 No expectation
Having any kind of relationship with another person, does not give you ownership of them. It also does not give you the right to judge or criticise.
In my book "Get Blissed", I talk about staying on your own page and taking full responsibility for your own life, including everything you think, say and do.
This is a challenge for most people, because their understanding of what a relationship is to them, is actually not really a balanced relationship at all.
So why are these techniques not taught in schools?
Techniques to communicate more effectively are much more available than before and one of the areas that my clients have asked for help in. Forming strong relationships are the foundations for families, organisations and communities.
The most important relationship in your whole life, is the one you have with yourself. And when this is flawed, then all the other relationships you have will suffer as a consequence.
When you fully understand more about yourself as well as others, you can be more impactful at home, socially and work with all your communications.
If you recognise there may be ways in which you could improve your relationships and want someone to guide you along this path, contact me via private message for a clarity conversation with me.
A warning, working with me will seriously improve your health as well as your relationships.